Category Archives: The Good Life

Living Life in Paradox

21 Monday Aug 2017

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Previously published at the Hughson Chronicle-Denair Dispatch.

Bright red strawberries alongside burnt pizza crust. Using the hospital tray, I meticulously cut strawberries into fourths to be drowned in Yoplait vanilla yogurt. Trash lines the people-flooded street we cross to enter the Orpheum Theater, tickets in hand, for a remarkable musical. The table beside my son’s medical pole holds unlooked for flowers.

Choosing to live life means living life in paradox, because life is hard.

If you are really living life, you have relationships and with relationships come the blood, sweat and tears that make life hard. Sure other things make life hard: loneliness and isolation, poor health. Those things are harder to bear without relationships; it all comes back to relationships. We ache for relationships. Relationships keep us in a paradox.

A paradox is a situation, person, or thing that combines contradictory features or qualities. Life is a paradox.

Living life fully means feeling life fully in its wonderfully joyous excitement; calm tender quietude; and draining, nagging suffering. Living life fully means taking events, as they are, not wasting time wishing they were something else. Describe it for it what it is, terrible or exhilarating, but save your wishes.

Plenty of aspects of life requires us to find the middle ground between two extremes. In medio stat viritus, the saying goes, in the middle stands virtue. The best and happiest way will be in the middle ground. This does not apply when it comes to mood. Perhaps we would enjoy never wavering emotion. Some seem disposed to it; others force it upon themselves because the natural swing of life’s rhythm proves too difficult to tolerate. They prefer to know what to expect.

That is where we miss out. Imagine an opera-singer singing half-heartedly, a quarterback playing so-so, a dancer lagging behind the beat; a parent who visits only once in a while. Life is meant to be lived fully, freely, and fruitfully.

Fully means holding nothing back. Whatever one does, doing it sincerely, with one’s energy and resources, prudently applied. I may need to conserve energy today knowing tomorrow will be a hard day. Instead of doing tasks lightly today, I intentionally choose light tasks.

Freely means recognizing oneself as an agent of free will, making a conscious choice about one’s activities (when possible) and reactions. I do this better when I am in a habit of reflecting a little bit each day, starting the morning by running through my mind the plans of the day, thinking ahead of what I want the day to be like and preparing myself for days when I know the unexpected ought to be expected. Thus, I maintain in control, at least of my feelings, when anything could happen.

Fruitfully means doing my best to bring good out of a situation. This may be a lesson learned after observing my behavior and reaction during suffering, something to put in my notebook to better handle the next run around. It may be an immediate good, by choosing to create some art or craft, or a boon to a relationship by letting my six-year-old give me a ballet lesson. Perhaps it is putting the phone, world wide web, and text notifications aside to focus deeply on the production I am about to see, the conversation I am about to have.

Fully, freely, fruitfully. It is the life advice that will apply to any moment, whether the pendulum will swing this way or that.

The paradox of life is not meant to be observed only. The tension that comes from shifting our gears between tragedy and comedy is the motivating force to make us flexible and adept at living life, to grow stronger, to find peace. We do not become stronger by “white-knuckling it” through our trials, by tamping our excitement in great life moments, or by avoiding relationships that require sacrifice on our part (I say sacrifice, not abuse). Whether the moment requires us to push through hard times or actively find a way out, the strength lies in leaning into the workout it does on our heart. I may not know what it looks like on the other side, but I can get through this. It can be worked for good.

Weekend Links 8.19.17

19 Saturday Aug 2017

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No fewer than fourteen links to fuel your weekend frenzy.

Family First

  1. The answer people have looked for! How to adapt the KonMari Method of tidying to fit a life with children. We so often look for a clear-cut answer: do this and your life will be better. True enough, we have been worked over by advertising campaigns since the 50’s simplifying our needs to this message. The KonMari Method fit my approach (keep what I love, get rid of what I do not love). Her methods improved my housekeeping (keep all cleaners in one place, use cardboard boxes for storage, fold clothes and store upright instead of stacked). I never felt trapped by the method. She said herself, do not do it for others. I could fold my husband’s clothes but did not worry about his possessions. Same for my children. We just do our best. Where it was not practical, the method need not apply (maternity clothes). Still, many seem invested in getting the advice of so-called experts. Better we learned to take it as recommendations, and learn to listen to our own voice, to develop our homes as best fits those who live in it.
  2. I think our society does very little to support mothers. The American value of independence and individualism infiltrated family life. While it was perfectly natural for multiple generations to support young mothers, as families members became more spread out, this became more difficult. Add to it, the lifelong goal of retirement. With our working mothers who tried to have it all, when retirement comes, many grandmothers may not have anticipated their daughters’ or sons’ hopes they would be involved in some way. Liberal government wants to help be reducing the number of babies born, providing free childcare and free preschools. How about some ideas that allow the mothers to be with their babies? France has some ideas.
  3. Loved this soulful post from Julie Walsh. Motherhood is nothing, if not a paradox.
  4. For all these reasons, I’m grateful “to have my hands full,” “to be busy,” “to be crazy,” to have embraced life to the fullest.
  5. For some theology and motherhood, an article from last year on how Microchimerism defends the doctrine of the Assumption of Mary.
  6. Simple advice from Edith Stein, the best kind, the kind we need to learn again and again: to grow in empathy (1) get out of your own head, (2) notice others, (3) practice love and (4) see persons, not labels.

On the Faith

  1. While I have never desired to get a tattoo, I find the symbolism it holds for the individual who has it fascinating. Reading these motivations, of declaring oneself for God is just beautiful: a tattoo as a way of expressing who one is in the Lord.
  2. This analysis by R.R. Reno (one of my favorite writers) is a subject I will keep my eye on.
  3. This advice how to rest on the Sabbath was a breath of fresh air to my soul. In my family of origin, like many families, the weekends were for catching up on things around the house. In our home, we try not to do housework more than the necessary garbage bag to the bin, some dishes). I am aware of a weakness in my mental approach to the Sabbath. We may rest and spend the day together, but my thoughts are little more spent on God than other days. It is a work in progress.
  4. Catholic liturgy, architecture, and music can be breathtaking. Why do people not only practice but insist on the banal and hokey? If we want to transmit the faith, let us fight the good fight to not only defend the capability of the masses to enjoy quality, but to give God our absolute best.
  5. George Weigel puts it succinctly about how passing on the faith will take effort, an effort, he remarks, is taking place in Detroit.
  6. As Weigel will tell you, we are in a generational shift in the Catholic Church. Maybe your parish is forming a committee to revamp the interior of the church building. Check out these painted interiors in Texas for inspiration. For many of our ugly modern churches, referencing Eastern European traditions may be just what they need to work with the architecture, but bring back beauty.

In the News

  1. I find Google News searches useless now, ever since Trump was elected. Most of the news relates to Trump, or racism, or ISIS. Would you have read there about the terrible flooding in Sierra Leone? No, you would not. News bias.
  2. A moving post making real for those of us with lives that feel far removed from Charlottesville. Better than anything I have seen in the news trying to use this tragedy as another political weapon.

Weekend Links 8.12.17

12 Saturday Aug 2017

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Nine snippets of news and novelties for your weekend musing.

Our life has been changed and our son’s life sustained by the incredible and collaborative care at UCSF. It is not surprising to me that they should rank so high in this national survey.

If this reporting is accurate, that is a wonderful example of how we need to give more credit to lower income families and how family truly forms the child. My question regarding the author’s way of presenting the research is this. The author reports pre-school enrollment dropped in 2008, likely due to parental unemployment. If that gap narrowed in school readiness, then wouldn’t that put more educated parents at home than before the rise in unemployment levels. I would like to see if we control for parent education levels if the results still remain. For a resource on providing more books at home, check out this project by Dolly Parton, the woman you naturally think of when you think of family life.

I was moved by this video of Jim Carrey (never thought I would write such a sentence! It was in the darkness of grief that I began to cling to beauty and art, which before had been a hobby and simple pleasure. The contemplation of beauty draws us out of ourselves. It is a great antidote to grief, loss or depression.

 

Gratitude is a powerful force for good, as this article illustrates. Would you consider ending each day with a moment of gratitude, considering three things you are thankful for? It can help us through dark times, balance our perspective, and overcome automatic negative thoughts.

I suspect objecting to this painting is a matter of Conservatives trying to get back at or making a point that if someone did a Christian parallel of the same thing, it would be publically unacceptable. On a deeper level, patriotism is a spiritual thing, the Statue of Liberty is one of our national symbols, as is the American flag. I do not believe these should be altered to express one person’s message. They are enough in themselves. We could also analyze that this doe-eyed lady is an exaggerated form of how women are distorted in media, and the strong stance with the torch is diminished by her gentle hold as if it were a bouquet of flowers.

No matter how busy life is, we really should make time for events like the solar eclipse on August 21. I hope we do in this household, though there are no plans as of yet.

Your words matter! I began to guard my grammar as my children grow. It takes practice, but we can do it. “Gonna” and pronouncing to as “ta” (If you’re going ta do this…”) are two habits my husband and I are currently trying to root out of our speech. I heard a song yesterday that rhymed over with you by pronouncing them as “ova” and “ya.” Brain cells have been lost by listening to music like this!

My reflection from this article on the reemergence of a vocational crisis: A priestly vocation requires heroism in a world such as ours. John Paul II inspired this heroism in the youth of the world and encouraged us to go all in. That is why my generation of Catholics is referred to as the John Paul II generation. We need inspiration from our leaders in the Church to “be not afraid” and “put out into the deep.” Too many times, to draw people into the church, leaders in parishes water things down, make it simpler, gentler. Our generation and the generation that follows ache for something to live for, for something strong we can hold on to in the moral chaos of our society. We need something to fight for. John Paul II and the priests of this generation show us that.

This is worth sharing since an American paper seemed to have picked up the original absurdity. I wonder Associatedsociate Press will be able to restore its credibility?

Weekend Links 8.5.17

06 Sunday Aug 2017

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This past week, I have been in San Francisco along side my son who is in the hospital. I relaxed my Facebook restrictions and found I wanted to close the tab after too long. It is nice to ease the vigilance of wondering if there is another message for me. The interest in scrolling is almost dead. In my evenings, once filled with binge watching television shows online, have been filled with 30 minutes of writing and at least one hour of reading Kristen Lavarnsdatter. I look forward to that time as the day goes on.

On to the weekend links!

Religion

Some times we need a reminder that mass is more than meets the eye. This post from the ever clear and concise Fr. Longenecker on why only the ordained can preach at mass provided that for me.

Consumerism

I find the whole American consumerist approach to holidays fascinating. There is a vacuum of culture when religion backs away. Something must fill it. With advertisement saturation, consumerism filled that void. So yes, I do think retailers are giving the people what they want by opening a holiday shop in summer. It may be what they want, but it is not what is best for them.

I am a proponent of “we need to get with the times” and pursue renewable sources of energy. It is frustrating to see how these solar panel rental companies work. I will be following the developments of these Tesla roof tiles.

Art/Literature

Too often in the nitty gritty of parish life, with tight budgets and efforts to manage with few resources, the value of work is downgraded. We need volunteers, it is true, but if you are a freelancers of any kind, be mindful of how much you volunteer. Consider it your pro bono work, be open about the nature of it, and when the desire to give or requests come in asking for me, have your fees ready. This article from Catholic Creatives highlights the impact of working for free has on others in the same industry. In many Catholic parishes, we see this in how some want to hire a musician to play piano and sing and lead a choir at multiple masses for $100 a week.

I copied this here as much for you as for me. Reading Kristen Lavarnsdatter by Sigurd Undset, a boulder of a book with great depth and growth has not only been entertaining, but relaxing and restorative after long days. I hope you find something you like. From the list, I am interested to read Silas Marner, Treasure Island, and The Idiot. In this House of Brede and Brideshead Revisited were begun and set aside. No shame in that!

Education

Beware what you read. When even academic journals are subject to poor publications, imagine what happens by the time it hits the Associated Press and it boiled down further to your newsfeed. See this scientific paper on Star Wars for evidence of why you should read carefully, and evaluate the reputation and quality of the journal.

At my former place of work, I am quoted from a Catchphrase came. The clue: this is an animal that flies. I shout: dragon! I love to learn the origins of mythical and strange creatures. Behold, the Basilisk!

Are you tired of Pearson’s for-profit monopoly on testing supplies and Advance Placement programs? I am. This man has created a college entrance exam focused on classical Christian education. Over 60 colleges will accept it in place of or alongside the SAT and ACT.

Relationships/Family

Not all abuse is physical. This piece published on Aleteia provides some important information on what psychological abuse looks like and how to get help.

Culture

A few weeks ago I shared with you an example of coercing sterilization among prison inmates. I am glad to share this offer has ended.

Racism is real. The view and treatment of the countries in Africa by other nations is unacceptable. Let’s end the ideological imperialism by the West to countries such as these. Citizens of the continent are not in need of contraception and fewer children but food, clean water, access to quality healthcare (the real kind that treats disease rather than bodily functions like fertility), education, and pro-woman laws that protect wives. Can we stop thinking contraception solves all problems that ever existed?

 

 

View story at Medium.com

Weekend Links: 7.28.17

28 Friday Jul 2017

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I find beauty means everything to me now. In this article from The Imaginative Conservative, Aaron Ames shares the great wisdom that our imagination is so important to our understanding of God because it is only through our imagination that we can possibly begin to glimpse what God is capable of and what God has in store.

I hear friends who blog debate, “I don’t know how much I want to share.” In youth group and professional work, I have seen those who want to bare all to get the reaction or attention they seek. This is an important consideration for those currently blogging or sharing from their lives with others. There several circles of intimacy around an individual. I share about my life here, yet there is a deeper level I will not share publicly. Maybe I share it with friends. Maybe I share it only with my spouse. Are you happy with where and how your circles lie?

If you are plagued by “shoulds” when it comes to writing, this may help. We tend to develop an image of what this type of person does and if we want to be this type of person, we had better check all out boxes. A bigger picture will yield different details.

With any project comes a level of vulnerability. Here is some practical advice on dealing with automatic negative thoughts. For me, the negative thought that pops into mind some when something goes wrong is “here we go again” or “of course,” as if our good times can never last or we could always expect something to go wrong. At least, with the latter, I am able to stop myself and count my blessings. A lot of things go right for us, even if some big things went in the direction of greatest difficulty.

Motherhood has a strange loneliness. This blog helps put it in perspective. The author writes, “For now, I’m viewing loneliness as one of the small (sometimes big) purposeful crosses of my vocation. It’s a cross that will turn me toward Our Lord if I let it.”

Think it is hard to manage kids in a pew? I rather resent pews on Sundays as my children pile on top of me and there is no place to put my feet. It brings me delight to know while there is a tradition of pews in churches, it is relatively new.

 

I fell off the wagon with Facebook and starting checking 2-3 times a day. I admist, it was relaxing. At the same time, I also stopped reading. My goal is unchanged. Time to start again. During the week we traveled to San Francisco for doctors appointments, visited the Legion of Honor and I contemplated the beauty of life and art. I am going to start practicing my Thursdays again, time away for reflection and short-form writing, and implementing writing days, 3-7 hours away from home to work on long-form writing. The husband and I also discussed a Writer’s Retreat (for both of us, separately). He could spend two nights away in the wood somewhere composing his heart out, and I could do the same on a different weekend of the year.

I hope you enjoyed these weekend links!

 

Weekend Links: July 22-23

21 Friday Jul 2017

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It seems I cannot get enough of this topic. This article from First Things compares books to screens. In my opinion, nothing beats the real, tactile, “existed before you and could exist after you” feel of a real book. Of course, children’s books in my house do not last that long. We try.

My time off Facebook has been positive. I go on in the morning to scan for news and stay involved my the “meaningful groups.” Glad to know I am fulfilling Mark Zuckerberg’s vision, except for the staying off Facebook part. Now that I have time away when I do go on, the whole thing feels like a lot of visual noise. Between the Newsfeed, the adds and the menus, it is all too much. If I can find a way to keep up with my favorite sources, and a way to maintain online groups without Facebook, I would be up for that! Any suggestions?

As I was citing sources for an article, I thought some readers might be interested in knowing more about where my views on the human person come from. We cannot know man only through science, or faith without science, or faith without philosophy. A view of man that brings all this together is the Catholic Christian Meta-Model of the Person (CCMMP). This model was foundational in my graduate education on considering the whole person in psychological practice.

The model accounts for our need for relationships are our inclination to sin (and possibility redemption). Here is a good piece from Verily pointing out some red flags in relationships. These can be taken and generalized to identify any toxic relationship, and personality types that are generally good to avoid. The desire to save a person through relationship is as old as time. We love people while still protecting ourselves by maintaining space.

In this encyclical,  Pope Pius predicted three outcomes from widespread contraception use. He predicted increased infidelity and lowering of moral standards (check), increased disregard on the part of men towards women and their bodies, reducing women to an object for his own desire (check), the third was public officials attempting to coerce contraception on individuals. This is very clear in China, and here it is in the US. Worth noting, I think.

Politically, it is hard to keep up with the real news because the media has not yet recovered from its Trump meltdown. I grew up with a sensitivity to the evils of Communism because my grandmother is Chinese and the stories I heard about what happened to her family members who were left behind. In school, we learned a smidgeon of bad regarding the USSR. That fell, but there is much to be concerned about in Russia. I always appreciate a piece from George Weigel on Eastern Europe and Russian news. I hope you do as well. As a birthday present, he will be speaking at Star of the Sea parish in San Francisco on July 27. I will be there.

If you avoid the downtown, San Francisco is a breathtaking city (downtown will also take your breath away because of the smell). On the topic of beauty, Two great pieces from Aleteia this week on why angels are portrayed with wings and why we have stained glass windows in Catholic Churches. In the Medieval days, these windows were instrumental in teaching illiterate Church-goers the faith.

 

 

 

Words matter. Ask my husband who often has to spend the next 15 minutes telling me what he really meant because there was an accidental error in his choice of words. N.M. Gwynne, authors of Gwynne’s Grammer convinced me with his logic of the greatness of grammar. This article is an example of that work at play.

I do not care to dwell on the conversation about the status of the university system. I follow it but cannot verify it. That said, one section in this article makes a good case for the power of words. Chronic exposure to hostile speech increases stress which can lead to adverse physical effects (this would fall under verbal abuse). Short term exposure to hostile speech can strengthen us, leading to all kind of cognitive and emotional benefits like resilience.

Earlier in the week, my reflection on the meaning of on The Giving Tree was shared by a former graduate school classmate. Check out her blog. For me, her writing is just stunning: peaceful, clear, paced to be a great companion.

Those are my thoughts. I would love to hear yours in the comment section!

 

Weekend Links

15 Saturday Jul 2017

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Straightforward advice for relationships and marriage. Behold, the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse and how to replace them.

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This article, sent to me by fellow blogger and friend, MamaCodes, reinforced the warning regarding social media use and distracted thinking/mental clutter.

As an update, I started checking Facebook only once a day. I really only use Pinterest for specific ideas and do not use other platforms. It has gone well. I can already see how Facebook produces a lot of mental noise and it feels better not checking it throughout the day. I think I have to stay connected through email though.

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This review of a new comedy show about motherhood highlights the issues I addressed in A Comedienne’s Way of being in the World. The world of professional comedy is inhospitable for a theoretically feminine style of humor, thus the descent into vulgarity.

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News to me. Melatonin can disrupt hormones related to fertility. Melatonin was recommended to me to aid sleep, because of stress. After waking suddenly several hours after taking it and my thoughts racing just as fast as before, I thought I would love to resolve the underlying issue (rather than the immediate issue).

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People are pretty upset about this interview. Better to skip the sound bytes and interpretations and read the transcript for yourself.

I think he speaks fairly clearly here, although I think it would have been better had he defined “feminized” and “manly.” He almost defines “manly” but leaves “feminized” undefined. If he says men perceived the mass as “feminized” and the only near definition is: the priest is the only man on the altar, the rest of the people are women, then the reader is left to think feminized means women are present. If women are present and the men want no part, why is that? Flesh it out. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I have no idea what he means by feminized.

Additionally I really really hate when people try to make marketing words like “emangelization” or “mom-preneur” to try to capture a statement “evangelizing men”/”mothers who are also entrepreneurs.” N. M. Gwynne points out that this language has been entrusted to us, not just to do what we want with it, but to respect its usage and preserve it for the future. This crap doesn’t fly.

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This more reflective piece by Emily P. Freeman was the perfect post for me to read today. A new friend asked me about Peter if things will change in the future. I told her, “I tell myself they won’t.” She accepted my answer and the conversation was distracted before we could talk about the actual possibilities. “We may be waiting for something and moving toward something that may never come to be, even while we hope.” I live in a world of this awareness…” moving toward something that may never come to be.”

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This week, I practicing being rather than doing. Taking a break from the memoir, I wrote some shorter pieces for submission. There is still room for improvement in find time in the daily schedule to write in order to fulfill my commitments.

My husband and I celebrated 8 years together by being apart. It was actually the first celebration missed due to hospitalization since this all started and I missed Regina’s birthday. Fortunately, my birthday plans directly involve San Francisco.

I was crestfallen to discover I left one of Peter’s homemade, labor-intensive vests in San Francisco and it was pitched. No one’s fault but my own. It is awful to think of all that work in the garbage. Especially since I never wanted to make them again!

I ordered a five-year journal because of I see now how helpful it is to record the mundane events along with the big events. A new friend and I spent time together, saw our children got on well together and have many, many things in common.

This week I learned the big vent in the house sucks air in and pushes it through to the little vents for air conditioning. That is why you need a filter. If you do not have a filter, the thing stops working. I am glad I did not learn the lesson by personal experience.

What did you learn this week?

Social Media: to use or not to use

11 Tuesday Jul 2017

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This is worth thinking about. I was most struck by the research outcomes that found living with distracted attention through social media can have long-term effects on concentration. I see when I take too much time off from reading books and spend it instead on the computer.

Watch the video and see what you think.

 

What if, instead of posting on facebook the articles I find interesting through my personal page and pages I manage, I instead post on the blog a week-long recap of those articles. I know the news outlets I like. I can easily subscribe to their email or open their website. Thus the attention becomes focused and intentional.

When I am overwhelmed by the children, instead of zoning out online I could try some activity such as silence, being, stillness or perhaps something more active like coloring, painting, sketching. I could practice a mental break instead of a mental/physical break which is not all that rewarding and ultimately deleterious to my relationship with my children and my cognitive capability.

What would I miss out on? The latest Catholic uproar, the latest parenting uproar the latest conservative uproar, and so on. Would I miss out on the community? I have connected with wonderful communities through social media: local Catholic mothers, college Catholic friends. To be honest, I email with them just as often as I use social media.

I will continue to ponder this. I am curious to see how I did with fewer check-ins after subscribing to the online magazines I find interesting. Once a week perhaps.

What do you gain from social media?

What would you lose without it?

 

Are there any changes you want to make?

I would love to hear your answers to those questions.

 

Our flag was still there

05 Wednesday Jul 2017

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At 7:30 p.m. with the youngest in bed and the second youngest about to retire, I presented the question of fireworks to my husband. “What do you think of me taking Miriam and James?” As with most questions, we returned to it fifteen minutes later, after ample interruptions. My husband considered, saw there were no obstacles, and said, “yeah, why not?” We put shoes on the kids and along with a blanket and two chairs and drove four miles south to the college to watch the Fireworks display. After considering parking at the junior high, or along the vineyard or at the park, I decided “why not?” and drove up to the college, saw ample parking, and made our way. We walked briskly, found a great quantity of grass for sitting. In view of the band and with a clear sky view of the azure stage for fireworks, we made ourselves comfortable.

It was 8:37 p.m.

The mayor came and the officials officiating congratulated themselves for a job well done. A young woman in a white dress briskly sang the National Anthem to which people attempted to applaud the high parts though she raced past them.

Oh, say can you see,
By the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed,
At the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars,
Through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched,
Were so gallantly streaming.
And the rocket’s red glare,
The bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night,
That our flag was still there.
Oh say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
For the land of the free, and the home of the brave.

She sang beautifully.

Can you picture it? In a time when a war might end but soldiers not find out for weeks? Then men fought through the night, going, going, going, unsure of the outcome but moving forward. As long as they could still see the flag, they knew they were not defeated. In an age when we can receive any signal or information through text, email, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, telephone, letter, page, courier, and what else, we forget, there was a time when you just waited and hoped.

We are so used to the incredible speed of communication that waiting for an answer makes us mad.

Last September and October were difficult months for my family. I could no longer consume the toxic waste spewed out by the political candidates and regurgitated by the news media. Like Jimmy Stewart broken at his darkest moment in the “Capra-corn” flick, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, my cynicism was at its worst. It was too much to care. Living in California, whatever I voted, our state would go Democrat so I voted for who I liked, avoiding the endorsement of personalities I could no longer stomach.

Sitting, waiting for answers. I took a long time before our personal struggles resolved. I know the feeling of waking up and seeing all was okay. Our flag was still there. Then I thanked God for the survival and hold fast to why it was worth fighting, to begin with.

In the end, I love our country. Days like the 4th of July, with the immense feeling of the National Anthem, the verses of “America the Beautiful,” and festive gatherings remind me of the heart of this country. It is remarkable. It has never been perfect. It never will be perfect. Nothing in life can be. In the end, my cynicism cools, and I am just a sap.

Oh say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,

For the land of the free, and the home of the brave.

 

The Good Life

04 Tuesday Jul 2017

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What do “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” even mean? Free to live my life and pursue happiness? Carl Rogers thought so. He thought whatever you wanted was justified. So he left his ill wife and pursued happiness.

John Stuart Mill said as long as it does not hurt anyone, we should go for it. Is that what it means?

They said men have been given inalienable rights: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. “Inalienable” means unable to be taken away from or given away by the possessor.

Have you ever thought of how bold this is? If it cannot be taken away or given away, this means, my life exists even if I am killed by another. I believe my soul will exist for eternity, but several of these writers were more Deists than Christians, so the soul belief is not necessarily what was meant here. The power of life. No matter what you do to me, I will be remembered, I will live on, the power of my life still exists.

Liberty? I wrote about freedom at this time last year: the difference between exterior freedom and interior freedom.

“The convict, prisoner of war, kidnapped child can engage in mental activity that takes them beyond their borders. Prayer, meditation, contemplation, thought, imagination, conversation, learning, teaching, exercise—whether with people or without—these are actions a person can take when faced with terrible circumstances. He decides not to be governed by the circumstances, but to make the most of it, to stay mentally and physically active and to let his or her mind be free.”

The pursuit of happiness? This seems the most elusive when it is 100 outside (or more as we have experienced), bills must be paid, children fed, errands run. They put the pursuit of happiness as something that cannot be taken from the possessor. That means, in any circumstance be it during a heat wave or endless rain, during the birth of a new baby or the loss of a child, during a wedding or at the end of a divorce, we can still seek happiness.

This is not the sort of happiness that comes and goes. That happiness is more accurately called pleasure. It feels good. Life does not feel good. So pleasure cannot be that happiness the pursuit of which no one can take from us. Money can be taken all too easily. In times of sickness or a really bad recession, we can not always pursue it. A good name? To be well-liked? People are fickle, particularly towards those well known and particularly online.

No, the sort of happiness is the one in which we find fulfillment, as a gravedigger in the cemetery, an x-ray technician, a massage therapist or a teacher. We can live a life with interior freedom, free from addictions and self-implemented rigid expectations about the rules of how one ought to live. It is when we are free to choose the best path, the moral path, the one that not only “does no harm,” but benefits the people around us. It is the sort of pursuit of happiness that turns terrible experiences into pearls of wisdom for the next generation. It is the sort of pursuit that creates a country that becomes an international model for religious liberty and human rights. It is a powerful achievement, full of mistakes, rarely done perfectly, but possible. It is the good life.

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Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash